The iPhone among thieves.

by rmtwrkr

Crime. It’s everywhere. Opportunity knocks. Years ago, in England I knew a few people who ‘acquired’ things through exceptional circumstances. Ok, they stole things. One of the favourites of thieves is the mobile phone. I mean, mobile phones are small, light, and easily misplaced (or snatched, or grabbed etc). Of course, the higher the perceived ‘value’ of the mobile phone, the more desirable it is to steal. And it will give more resale value on the black market. And thieves follow trends in mobile tech. Hmmm…you DO know where I am going with this don’t you?

The iPhone.

The iPhone this winter will be probably the hottest handset in Europe (maybe even worldwide…eh Canada?) This means it will also be the hottest mobile to ‘acquire’. I am already reading reports from iPhone owners (mainly in the U.K) that they have had people try and snatch the device, luckily with little success till now. But trust me, the iPhone will be a high-level target. So what to do?

The best you can do is not to parade around holding it in your hand (if possible), advertising the fact that you’re the kind of person that has no problem dropping €400 on a mobile phone. Humans are jealous creatures, and capable of irrational resentment. So, what if you have taken all precautions, got it safely tucked away, and you LOSE THE PRECIOUS! Well, luckily the iPhone has a modicum of security in comparison to other handsets (although it still has not a patch on Nokia’s E-series, or RIM’s Blackberry). Firstly, a normal generic mobile (say a Moto RAZR) has little to protect itself if stolen. All a thief must do is remove the SIM card, put his or hers inside, and away they go. Same with most generic feature phones. Thats why they get nicked..A LOT. The iPhone has a little extra security though. Namely the one ‘feature’ that everybody hates: Carrier Lock-in. You see, if someone stole my German T-Mobile iPhone, it would not be too good for them. The situation would be something like this:

1) They grab it, and run off all smug.

2) They pull out their TOTALLY SUCKING previously stolen RAZR with their PAYG sim inside, rip the RAZR open, extract sim, toss phone into rubbish bin.

3) They work out where the hell a sim goes in the iPhone, extract my sim, toss it, put theirs inside.

4) FIRST FAIL: nope. won’t work. won’t activate. BOLLOCKS! oh well, I will just use it for an iPod..

5) SECOND FAIL: arrghhh. nope. cannot use iPod. Or…anything. Ok, well, I’ll just take it home and use my stolen iPods USB charger to connect to my shite P.C with iTunes.

6) THIRD FAIL: connected it up, but it won’t work!!! AARGHH!! CANNOT ACTIVATE.

You see, for the common street thief, the iPhone is just full of FAIL. It’s not worth it. No quick resale value (maybe Ebay?). Can’t even give it ‘a large one’ by using it as an iPod.

For it too work, the thief would have to either be a relatively good hacker (unlikely, from all the absolute fscktard-thieves I have ever encountered) or, already have a iPhone-tariff simcard (hmmm…not sure if even that would work).

We need thieves to understand this about the iPhone: IT’S NOT WORTH IT. IT WILL MAKE YOU LOOK STUPID IN FRONT OF YOUR PEERS, WHO WILL MOCK YOUR GANG-LEADER POSITION, AND POSSIBLY GET YOU CLIPPED IN EMBARRASSMENT BY ONE OF YOUR MORE TECH-SAVVY UNDERLINGS.

Oh, and for the readers wondering about me, all I can say is this…

KNOW your enemy.

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